Goodbye to all those of you with short attention spans, who have already left.
You are visitor number

since last Thursday.
(If this number appears to be stuck, try giving your monitor a thump.)

Old Motherboard's
Tranquillity Haven 2000

Established without prior warning in the last few years of the 20th Century,
Tranquillity Haven is an Excite/Magellan/AOL Site.

Caretaker, chief ossler, banjo stringer and general factotum: Mr Roger Penwill

Tranquillity Haven now FULLY INCLUSIVE!

cartoon
For maximum enjoyment calibrate attention span;
for maximum comfort visit the cloakroom.
and for cool reading matter for patrons try the Haven e-zine:-

This site is dedicated to those who find their own resources
are often lower than their computer's.
It's also been known to cure Web cramps and Net splange.

Old Motherboard writes...

Welcome, weary browser to my little oasis of serenity, a comfort break on the superdualcarriageway. Lean back, place hands behind head, put feet up on the monitor, take them off again as you can't see the screen, close your eyes and visualise the Haven set in rolling English fields of mottled green, with strong majestic oaks, happy cows and the rustic sound of a bulldozer demolishing the gazebo. Breathe deeply and savour the sensuous, illicit aroma of genuine British milk chocolate with added vegetable fat. Okay, you can open your eyes now.

Look around Tranquillity Haven at your leisure as your phone bill mounts. On departure, please shut the gate after you or the geese will get out.

Express checkout is available by using EXIT under the FILE menu.

If your computer valves start to glow - leave at once. Do not wait to collect personal possessions.

Tranquillity Haven given four stars by
EXCITE!/Magellan/AOL and maybe others

EXCITE/Magellan/AOL and maybe others have been awarded the O.G.F. (Order of the Golden F.O.O.M) for services to Tranquillity Haven, namely top-rating the Haven as a Four Star "must see" site.

Old Motherboard welcomes guests that have arrived by courtesy paddle-steamer from Excite/Magellan/AOL and maybe others. Do calm down a bit and make yourselves at home.

The Grand Hall has been given a major new look.

The potted bay trees located either side of the Regency-effect entrance vestibule have been swapped over.

Now fully restored after the disastrous fire and spilt tea incident, the magnificent late neo-Crumbling Grand Hall has re-opened to the public and has a new picture displayed therein, utilising the very latest Perpendicular Gothic flying buttress image suspension theory, vertical plumbing plug-and-play technology and asymmetric loose gimbles. Patrons are advised to keep down-wind and don't play underneath without first checking insurance cover.

and...

A fresh duo-dimensional colour-challenged single-planal image has been acquired for the Neo-Millennium Domic Style CADPad. The place to hang loose, provided you sweep up afterwards. Any strange clicking sounds are probably terminal.

AT LAST ! IT'S STILL HERE !!...FOOMMATE Issue One

Tranquillity Haven's own super-cool online e-zine for Haven guests.

Weekly Events Calendar

For those guests keen on team sports, take a look at the plethora of weekly events on offer in Tranquillity Haven.

A query from a guest on the location of the toilet has prompted Old Motherboard to address the provision of comfort stations for cross-legged browsers, and these are now available.

OVERVIEW

The Guide to all that's available to Guests of Tranquillity Haven.

The Visitors'Book!

Thanks to all those discerning guests who have left their marks in the Tranquillity Haven Visitor's Book over the past months. It has now been closed and soaked in vinegar to preserve it for future perusal. A new visitor's book may be opened once the Caretaker is able to buy one in Woolworths.

Culinary announcement -- A statement

Guests wishing to eat will be pleased to learn that the creosote smell in the Banqueting Suite is really becoming quite faint by now and bookings are being taken for the Millennium Christmas 3000 Compliance Lunch, when the aroma should really be gone.

Free Speech Online -- A statement

In solidarity with the protest against censorship of the Net, Old Motherboard is wearing dark outer garments and this page has been turned black. If, however, your viewer is still displaying it with a mottled blue, grey and white background, a real-time black-effect simulation can be achieved by turning the monitor off.

Old Motherboard's Tranquillity Haven 2000