Tranquillity Haven....overview

Neither HOT nor COOL just PLEASANTLY TEMPERATE
Using sustainable cow-fired energy.

Old Motherboard's Haven Guide

Tranquillity's Gate

A tour of the vast pleasure complex that is Tranquillity Haven really ought to begin at the Gate. So if you entered here by other means (via chimney, secret tunnel, parachute, Trojan Horse, unmarked parcel, coffin or the like) you'd better go there now.

The Grand Hall

The throbbing heart of Tranquillity Haven, is the noble mock neo-Georgian inflatable Grand Hall and Tearoom. Here the perceptive browser will encounter a series of monocromatic pictures collected by the noted collector of monochromatic pictures, Mr Basil Crills.

The pictures are carefully chosen for the collection on the unifying theme of Not Clashing With The Wallpaper. The wallpaper itself is a unique example of early Computer Aided Wallpaper (CAW), believed to have designed using Charles Babbages's Difference Engine. It was carefully scraped off the walls at the onset of the last hostilities, stored in ceremonial cushions and now cannot be seen. In time it is hoped to rehang the wallpaper, so that the pictures can be seen in their proper setting again, resplendently not clashing once more.

The Vault

New non-clashing pictures will be displayed from time to time in the Grand Hall. The old ones from there and the CAD PAD will be deposited in the Vault.

Despite the damp, the Vault has been prised open and is receiving visitors.

The CAD PAD

At the south end of the second floor of the Millenium Wing, overlooking the traditional English landscape garden and theme park, Old Motherboard has fashioned a studio-style environment that resonates with the jolly cries of designers, architects and engineers at play

Having been under construction for some time, the CAD PAD is now open, although the bakelite relief for the pedimented portico to the Wing's west facade is still due any day now. It's now safe to visit. Hard hats need not be worn.

The Health Club

Recognising that some guests of Tranquillity Haven may feel that Earl Grey tea and digestive biscuits alone have limited recuperative effect, and that they need to take more positive action to assist in keeping their bodies in peek fitness for browsing, Old Motherboard has opened an exclusive Health and Fitness Club.

The converted premises will also be of enormous interest to lovers of airships and mushrooms.

Advice Centre

Not discovered until the open-cast mine slag heap was removed at the start of the decade is Tranquillity Haven's Late-Jacobean Sun Terrace and Advice Centre. Now lovingly restored, the slag-heap looks superb, a monument to the French-polisher's art. Also lovingly restored, is the Sun Terrace, which looks quite nice.

Sitting on the west face of the slag heap, watching the sun set majestically over the Terrace, guests of the Haven can wile away the hours perusing the range of handy-size Advice Leaflets which are available free, for a small deposit.

A special Haven leisure facility not to be missed!

FOOMWATCH

For people moved to be a Friend Of Old Motherboard

Visitors Book

Before pootling off elsewhere on the Net, guests can read previous visitors' views of Tranquillity Haven in the Haven's impressive leatherette and adhesive tape Visitors' Book.

Way Out

Tours of the vast pleasure complex that is Tranquillity Haven end here.
Tradesmen should use some other exit.